Lawyer Mom Counts Blessings in Twos So Far

Published in Family Beat by The Advocate Weekly Online, 2006-05-11

"All who would win joy must share it; happiness was born a twin." - Lord Byron (1788-1824)

PITTSFIELD - Alycia SaccoDuquette has two daughters - twins who will turn 2 at the end of this year. She also has two degrees - a master's in business and one in law - as well as two full-time jobs. In about two weeks, though, SaccoDuquette is due to break her pattern of twos in giving birth to her third child.

On a recent early spring day, SaccoDuquette was home from her job as an attorney for Berkshire Life and starting her second job as a mom. Dinner was over, and the sun was shining on a typical scene in the backyard. She rested on a lawn chair as her husband, Christopher Duquette, chased their girls, Jamie and Randi, around the lawn to the tune of squeals and giggles. Randi rolled a ball while Jamie busied herself experimenting with the car keys - accidentally starting the car and setting off the alarm when she discovered the buttons on the remote.

An average day for this working mother of twins starts with the sound of an alarm, too. SaccoDuquette said she tries to wake up before the children to get started on her day - and sometimes that even works. When it doesn't, her husband is there to, as she described it, "tag team" with her, helping with breakfast and dressing the girls while getting ready for his own workday. They are usually out the door by 7:30, and she delivers the girls to daycare.

"Sometimes they're very happy to be there, and sometimes they'd like me to stay," she said. "There another little girl, 8 or 9, who's there before school in the morning, and they love her; so if she's there, it's a much easier transition for me. And then I go to work and try to get a lot of work done in a shorter period of time."

On days that she has to pick up the children, she must leave work at 4:45, even if her work isn't finished, because daycare closes at 5.

There is always a fair amount of guilt involved in being a working mother, but SaccoDuquette said she has begun to come to terms with her feelings: She believes she is more organized and efficient now because her time is more structured, and there is less of it in which to accomplish her goals and duties in both realms. She said she feels equal amounts of guilt both at work and at home, especially because she will be taking a 12-week maternity leave soon.

But, she said, "I think I may be one of those women who is a better mom because I'm working. I truly love them and they light up my life, but if I was with them all the time, I don't know if I would make use of the time as well as I do now. When I'm with them, I'm with them - and thoroughly enjoy it."

She said she and her husband rarely hire babysitters to go out at night because they like to be home to put their children to bed.

At the end of her pregnancy, she is more tired these days, she admitted, and is almost always asleep by 9:30 at night after putting the girls to bed, putting her feet up for 15 minutes, doing some laundry, getting things ready for the next morning and finishing up any work she has brought home.

There are only so many hours in a day, of course, and compromises must be made. Her husband shares the household chores and, she said, "I've treated myself to a housecleaner every other week for the downstairs to take some of the pressure off. Sometimes on weekends, I get some of the upstairs clean, and I say 'sometimes and some of it' because that's how it's been working lately."

She is lucky enough to have an extraordinary amount of support from her family, including her mother, mother-in-law and her Aunt Clara (Sacco).

"My Aunt Clara has been coming over in the afternoon to help get the kids fed and let me do some laundry and that kind of thing - she's been great."

SaccoDuquette appears quite calm and serenely happy, although she knows her life is going to get more hectic soon. But she doesn't believe three children under the age of 2 will be any harder to care for than two.

"My philosophy is, the first few years, I'm going to be tired all the time and it's going to just be chaos, but after that they'll be so close in age that they'll have each other as playmates so it will be easier," she said. "That's my theory anyway."

Her theories are based more on experience than wishful thinking. Growing up as the youngest in a family of 10 children, her favorite childhood memories are the summers when all nine of her siblings were living at home and working together in the family business. She became an aunt for the first time at the age of 8 and said she has always known she wanted children.

Her mother, Katherine Sacco, and her father, retired Judge Rudolph Sacco, owners of Bucksteep Manor (formerly a summer camp) in Washington, still live there and spend as much time as possible with all of their children and grandchildren.

Katherine Sacco said, "My children were my life, and God sure knew what he was doing when he sent me Alycia."

Sacco, who will soon have 18 grandchildren, said she believes it's much harder to raise an only child than it is to raise 10 children.

"If you only have one," she said, "you have to work harder to make sure they take responsibility and care about others, because there is no one else there to show them."

Based on her own experiences with motherhood, SaccoDuquette agreed. Speaking of her own daughters, she said, "When one cries, the other is always very attentive. When we do timeouts, one will be crying and the other will go over and try to soothe her. I like the bond they have."

The girls are fraternal twins, and aside from their closeness, SaccoDuquette noted the differences, not only in looks but in personality.

"If you ask Jamie for a kiss, she'll give you one, whereas Randi is a little more stingy with her kisses. I like that they're different I like that because they're each their own person."

SaccoDuquette, too, has also always tried to be her own person. She did not enter the field of law until her mid 20s and obtained a master's in business at the same time she got her law degree, finishing her education when she was 28. Having her children in her mid 30s, she said she feels her life experiences helped her to be a better mother.

"Having a brother die when I was 14 and a sister who died in a plane crash in Alaska when I was 22 taught me that life throws you curveballs and made me realize you should live in the moment and cherish every moment that you have," she said.

She confided, though, that the reality of motherhood surprised her.

"The love that you feel - there is nothing like it. When they showed me those two little girls, my heart was just overwhelmed. They were beautiful, even though they weren't beautiful - at least not right away. Even now, I sometimes look at them and can't believe they're mine."

Now that she's a mother herself, Sacco-Duquette said, she is more in awe of the job that her own mother did. There are three lawyers, a doctor, a nurse and three business people among her and her siblings.

"I respect and love her even more now that I'm a mom," she said. "I just don't know how she did it, especially now, being pregnant, with little kids. I remember her being there for us no matter what - even with 10 kids - and I don't know how she did that. I've never really asked her, but she said she was always tired till just recently and she's 75 now."

On Mother's Day, there may be dust bunnies under the bed, dishes in the sink and toys scattered on the floor. But neatness doesn't count in the eyes of a child. One more reading of "Good Night Moon," one more toss of the ball, one more dance around the kitchen - that's what counts. And the best Mother's Day gift any mom has ever received doesn't come in a box, but in the arms of a hug from a happy child.